I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
