why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
