when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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