i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
