I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
