is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
