Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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