can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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