That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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