yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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