Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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