lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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