So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
