im about as happy as oj after his trial
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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