I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Terrible idea I love it
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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