There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
