So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
