she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
