There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
