You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
