I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Ladies don't puke and tell
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
