beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
