last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
That accounts for only three of the penises
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
