both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
