i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
