I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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