the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize