so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
