i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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