Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I've blown a few things in my day
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
