Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
