I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
