she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
