I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
