You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
