dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
