The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
