Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I AM VODKA MAN
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
