Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
nutella sex= disaster
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
