You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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