The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
