I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
