Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
