One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
