i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
