mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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