one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
