Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
this is an emotional support booty call
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
