My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
