You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
