Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
