she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Randomize
