How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize