i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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