I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
