omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
this just has baby written all over it
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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