I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The Olympian is in my bed
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
