YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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