I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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