My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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