1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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