remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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