I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
