I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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