you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i think my cat just said my name.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
