Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize