I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
