i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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