We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
