Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
