Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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