i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
