walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
