I wanna bring you to show and tell
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
And then he peed in my hair
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