i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
