I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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