Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
