I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
