yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
